i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
