My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
