people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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