I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
