Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
