we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
