I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
