I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
