naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
