I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
