Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
