JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Two words: nipple clamps
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