the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
