I am puke
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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