I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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