dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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