I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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