I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
