I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
