She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
