I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
