Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
