Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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