I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
