Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
