I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
