we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
