Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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