Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
