yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
