You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
