You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
