Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
