just tell him i said nine months
this boner is exhausting
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
