so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
