Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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