Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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