Quick, to the slutcave!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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