I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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