My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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