you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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