When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
