Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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