evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
