She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
