she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
