I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You need Xanax blowdarts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
