Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
