His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
