enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
